The audio cassette tape that my mom left behind haunted me for almost 40 years. My mom, Judy Lee Gilbert, was diagnosed with a very rare cancer in 1981 and 3½ months later she was gone. She was beautiful, vivacious, kind, and in the prime of her life. My dad handed her a cassette player while she was in the hospital after her diagnosis, tested it to make sure it was working, and then he left the room. My mom recorded her thoughts for the next three weeks, right up until she passed away. I have been carrying around that tape for many years and dreaded hearing it. I was so afraid of the emotions that it would make me feel. I could never find a good time to listen to it.

Fast forward to 2020.  A global pandemic forced us all into lockdown. At the same time, my husband and I were dealing with very sick parents, including one who passed away. It was a very tough year. So much grief.  So much pain. I finally decided I could handle listening to the tape.

First, I had to find a cassette player. Then I pressed play and held my husband’s hand while we listened. It was shocking to hear my mom’s voice after all these years, I could barely process the words. Then I listened again. And again.

What I heard was fascinating to me, but I thought maybe that was only because she is my mom. I started to share the audio with relatives, friends, and even my students. Their overwhelming response was that they had never heard anything like this before. The intimacy, the honesty, it was painful – and entrancing. Their responses convinced me that I needed to find a way to share my mom’s words as she takes us on her journey of hope, of dreams, of letting go, and of acceptance. Through her words, we see the beauty of life - and her desire to love- even as she approaches death.

I grappled with how to tell the story. Should it just be audio? But I’m a filmmaker and the audio needed images to bring the story to life. But what images? I’ve directed a dozen documentaries, but I decided this film needed a different approach. Something poetic, even somewhat abstract. Ultimately, I decided mixed media: A.I. animated photos, live dance performance, old family film, sand animation, live pencil drawing and stop-motion graphics. I found a way to make my mom’s words come to life. What you are seeing in this film is what I see when I hear my mom’s voice.

To find out more about Melody Gilbert and her films, go to www.frozenfeetfilm.com | IMDB